Series of Moments

“Happiness makes up in height what it lacks in length.”

If you think about the fact that life is just a series of moments, it can depress the hell out of you. Why? Because most of those moments are not anything exciting and even more of them are painful. But then, every once in a while, you have a spec on the timeline of life- like God squeezes you and in that moment, you forget the previous thousands …you are in THIS one and it is good. No, it is great.

I think we all live life waiting and hoping for those moments…to bridge the gaps of the ho-hum and the sad infused. So what I want to do is remember. This is why I write. I can come back to these words. Because we all have a short-term or even selective memory. Funny how we readily recall the ‘wish I could forgets’.

I had an experience today where, for the first time in a long time, I felt that PING- that ‘God Squeeze’ and I KNEW I was exactly where I was supposed to be, doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing and that I was great at it. And now that the ever-present ho-hum moments have surfaced again, I hold onto today- to help me bridge the gaps and to know that my life does have purpose and the track I am on, no matter how many detours I take, is the RIGHT one. Isn’t that what we all really just want to know? That we are on the right track?

Today was an audition. You know- that feeling of- get your nerves together- bring YOU into a room with complete strangers- DO what they tell you to do and basically stand there naked (emotionally). The voices in my head taunt me… “ You know you are better than this, than what they see…Why can’t they ‘get’ me? Why can’t I just make them see?…Why can’t I live up to my potential in this moment? Ever?

I have done it a hundred times but today was the day. Today I was in my body, in my mind, in my voice, in my shoes, in all the talents that have been given to me and each crappy, hurtful, embarrassing moment I have had in the exact same situation on countless auditions before, got me here…prepared me for it. It was worth it.

Today I believe in my existence.
Better hold onto that feeling.