A Warm Towel

I wish that I had some witty blog entry jam-packed full of crass, irreverent NYC truths (believe me, those entries are coming) but today, my brain is running and trying its best to wrap itself around gratiude-my gratitude- so large-so all encompassing that I have to admit I cannot process it all. I have accepted the fact that being thankful is a continuum...or it should be. No one wants to be reminded of how blessed they are if it means losing something they once took for granted. For me, yesterday, I was face to face with my blessings-all the while looking at someone else being robbed of hers. I say that. She is so far a superior human being and spirit than I. She probably feels she got the raw end of a deal that has a finite sentence-she can see the good amidst the bad. I just saw how good I have it and how unfair life is. There is no explanation. If I learn nothing else it is just that one has to have faith in God (or in whomever you credit your life on this earth...) Let's face it, He goes by hundreds of names but He is one in the same. And we have no answers here. Nothing makes sense and nothing is black and white. It is the shades of gray that require the most faith, I think. Turning that helplessness over to God is all we can do. Yesterday was like bathing in the tub of life's grayness and hoping that faith is that big, warm towel waiting outside to hold you-to wrap yourself in-to help the chill go away. My towel gets bigger everyday. It has to.

Commentary on Commentary

I just wanted to interject....real quick like (insert southern drawl)...before you read the "3 Things" post below that I just put up....that it JUST occurred to me that you people actually wrote comments to some of my posts! Seriously. Do you know what this means? Do you? It means you actually READ my blog...on purpose...and you retained enough of it to make a comment...the whole time your hand went to the mouse, you could have stopped or changed your mind, gotten up for a snack, had to pee, gotten distracted, ....what was I saying? Oh yeah, thank you. Thank you for reading, now and then, and thank you for the remarks!

3 Things

Nope, not a funny bit today...pensive...but short so no worries...you won't have to reach for your prozac or anything...not that you take prozac...

Today I met up with a friend I had not seen in over 2 years. Perched across from him over a beer we chatted non-stop about everything...never one of those awkward silences. I think good friends are this way- like a book that you can put down, not come back to for months, pick up, and be right where you left off. I am lucky I have more people in my life like this than I can count on my 2 hands.
As we sat and watched rush hour around us, I studied the lines on his face- all of them earned. These 2 years have been good to him- to his mind, to his body, to his perspective. His path has been one that he would never re-live, were he given the opportunity but I commend him...he is not bitter and his priorities were revealed when he told me of the 3 things he holds most dear. 2 years ago these 3 things would never have entered his consciousness. It just made me think. 3 things. We all have and need so much in this brief jaunt on Earth but these 3 things are pretty much at the crux of it.

He said,
"All I need is someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to."

Sounds of Silence

I have a unique situation. I live directly across the street from a Catholic Church. Not kind of across, not near to, but if I had a piece of watermelon with 3 seeds and were challenged to spit one seed to its front door from my apartment window? Well, I would not need all 3 seeds. One would do it. That close.
Needless to say this is a very great source of people watching for me and also distraction...I do not have any qualms with the Catholic Church per say (ok I do but that is only because I went in one day out of curiosity and, in my attempt to light a candle for someone as I said a prayer, realized the candles were not real but were machines and I had to put in a quarter to get the candle to illuminate...but I won't go into that now because houses of worship are a personal choice and who I am to say anything? The world would be a better place if we all forked over 25 cents and said a prayer).
However, one activity takes place on the sidewalk in front of the church and I swear, it is the only time I have to reach for earplugs. What is this activity you ask? A meeting group for the deaf.
Let me explain.
I marvel at watching 10 or 20 men and women stand around and sign. This is a world I will never be a part of - hands moving a mile a minute. What are they saying? How do they do that? It is incredible. Then, their kids show up. Keep in mind, the parents can hear nothing. The kids, on the other hand...well, they have screaming matches, are blowing things up, shoot one another with super soakers and water balloons and oh yes, the radio...let's just say it is on a station with a pretty consistent beat. The parents in their silent oblivion, totally uninterrupted, sign on. And I, for that hour or so, have to remind myself that I am the lucky one. All of my senses work. But something about their bliss intrigues me.

The Body Magnificent

I am an observer. I watch. I pay attention. I think this is one of many reasons that I have chosen New York as my home.
It is sensory overload all the time.
I am the kind of person who thinks sitting in an airport for hours is 'fun' because the people watching is excellent.
Yes, New York is my ideal. It is the world's largest airport.

I went for a brilliant walk in Central Park today, as I love to do on the weekends.
And today I paid attention-mostly to the sheer power of the human body.

Today is the day of the NYC Triathlon-About 3,000 people thought this sounded like fun:
SWIM 1500 Meters in the Hudson starting at 5:30AM- Then- BIKE 40 Kilometers and oh, -Then- RUN 10 Kilometers.

I have to hand it to them. What magnificent bodies they have and I do not mean that the way it sounds. I mean, when you think about it...your body can just be your vessel that takes you through life OR your body can be a fine tuned machine, one you build and challenge daily; a machine that surpasses each previous bar set and one that can do far more than any of us has the concept to grasp (with the exception of all you women who have delivered babies...I am convinced this is the body's greatest accomplishment.)

But, It seems like we have a choice: We can walk through life or we can move through life as a physical force.
3,000 people today showed their physical prowess. I applaud them.
This does not, however, mean I do not think they are crazy.

As I huffed and puffed and watched these stellar athletes of all shapes and sizes- I came to 2 epiphanies:

1- Total Eclipse of the Heart may just be the best song ever. (Ok-so I know this has nothing to do with said blog entry but you know you are thinking about it now.)

And...

2-I don't care how 'fine tuned' your machine is. Spandex will NEVER be ok. Never. Nope.

Gum

There are certain things we take for granted. For example- there are a few things that I know that I think everyone knows, or should know and hey, I don't know everything. In fact, I know next to nothing.

But I do know this:
Smacking gum drops your IQ by 10 points automatically.

I was on the subway yesterday and there in front of me stood one of the most stunning women I had ever seen. Her dress was perfect, her skin, tan, her hair styled to perfection. She was the entire package. Then she turned just enough...the profile...the jaw flailing about...smack smack smack. Damnit. Image shot. She was a gum chewer-no, I take that back- she was a gum smacker.

My grandmother (the embodiment of Emily Post) used to say,
"What is the difference between a cud chewing cow and a gum chewing girl?"

"The intelligent look on the cow's face."

The Start of Day

There is no denying that what happens when you first wake up is likely to set the tone for the entire day- that is, unless you have SUPER, warm and fuzzy, ooey-gooey feelings inside you built up from years of love and appreciation that you can just oh,
'call on' to rise to the surface and cover the present and residual crap that now stares you down like a big zit the day of the prom....

My day began: I just stepped ON and completely crushed my only pair of glasses. It is 6:30AM, I am blind, and now I must resort to my 10 year old Harry Potter frames and HOPE I do not have to see a mirror today.
But hey, it is Friday and I bet, well, maybe, I have some of that 'emergency fund' goodness in me somewhere...I call on it for days like today.

One must turn the tide- even if she cannot SEE it.
Here's to a blind weekend!

Signs

Okay, so I have not posted in a day or so and guess I was just waiting for something (preferably hilarious) to spark a blog....well, I got a sign- a literal sign- well, not me actually...
A friend of mine was in her semi-new laundromat- her old one ruined her clothes. Hey, I just wanted to interject that ain't no one touching or folding my unmentionables but me, but I digress.
Sitting in said laundromat, she was chatting on her cell phone (and why woudn't she). She was approached by the owner who said "You cannot talk on your cell phone in here" and proceded to point to a sign that read, and I kid you not,
"Cell phones not allowed. They interfere with the machines."
Mmmmwwhhaaa???
Now I have seen a lot of signs in my life, most of which, I feel, serve their purpose...ya know like, "STOP" or "Mason-Dixon Line" but since when did a cell phone, which I can never get reception on anyway, ruin someone's laundry?

Change of Mood

It is truly one of the great things that God gives us...change.
Though often scarier than not, it is essential and this heavenly A.D.D. He bestowes/imposes allowed my day yesterday to turn.
All it took was music.
Have you noticed how powerful the senses are? And how one will almost always overshadow another? For example, if you are driving and you have no idea where you are going, you have to turn the radio down in order to follow the directions? Or if you are really enjoying the sounds of something...that one song that takes you away, do you not close your eyes to sing it? Why is that?
Anyway, yesterday I put on my iPod shuffle with abuut 13 songs. I had to walk through the park and knew it would take me about 20 minutes. A song came up, not one I am willing to admit right here, and everything CHANGED.
Suddenly, the sun was hitting the buildings in all ways glorious. People were smiling....children were laughing and running about. There are brief moments when you see the face of a child and you could swear, for that instant, you are looking at God Himself...or at least what He intended.
My favorite moment was on Central Park West ( I was huffin' now and my pace was passing a family up on the left). I went to 'pass' and saw a tiny boy, maybe 3, holding so tightly to his granny's neck. He had no shirt on and you could tell she was struggling to keep him steady but I have never seen a more beautiful expression on any 2 faces. She never wanted to let go and he was never going to. He loved his granny. The way he looked at her took my breath away.
I was instantly taken back to summers at the lake in Tennessee, being held by my daddy, the warmth of his body and the towel he had just put around my shoulders the way only a daddy can....hot and sweaty, I was happily glued to him with my sticky, just eaten ice pop fingers around his neck and my face burried there, where beads of sweat gathered above his collar bone.

The song finsished on my iPod Shuffle and rather than 'shuffle' I hit repeat.
I listened to that song a few more times.

Brussel Sprouts

I think my iron is low or something....I don't feel like myself. Do brussel sprouts have a lot of iron? I think so. I think I'll eat a couple. Ok. I just ate a barrel. I don't feel any better and I have gas. Now I feel like crap and I can't be around anybody. Stellar.

Maybe it is the heat. New York is 8 million people gobbling the same air and walking around on a bagillion miles of sun absorbing asphalt. My shoebox apartment is quiet when the people outside my window don't move or say anything. I am still trying to convince myself that I can make it through the summer without turning on my AC...good idea...I will show you Mr. Utility company...sleeping on my box fan is working well most nights so long as I take a 20 minute iceberg shower. By the time I come back to room temperature, the apartment has cooled off to a pleasant 75 and I can sleep....on my box fan.

Yep. It's fair to say I am in a poop mood today. Oh well. I still have my humor. And my gas.

Question of the day....

Does it make me narcissistic if I google myself?
Thought so.
Damnit.

I Am Talking To You, Woman

Okay. I am not a body builder or anything but I do consider myself a gym rat of sorts. I mean, I try to go on a daily basis - whether it is to contort myself into positions that could be considered rather inappropriate or just to walk on the treadmill and watch Paula Dean surpass FDA guidelines for cooking with fat batter.
BUT I have do have a bone to pick with you, annoying woman on treadmill next to me- Yes, you. Please try to keep your cell phone conversation down to a quiet shrill while working out. I say working out...did you know your machine goes above 2.0 miles per hour and oh, that Starbucks Frap-a-rap-a-chino (aka- the biggest decision you will have to make all day).. is just another word for milk shake. You burn more calories talking about your Hamptons weekend and your new pair of Jimmy Choos.

I Don't Get It

How many erectile disfunction commercials can they make ? And when they say to see a doctor if your vision blurs or your erection lasts longer than 4 hours...I mean, I'm no man but isn't that the prime time to call a hooker?

Uterus

Okay, so this is my first blog and God knows why I think I have anything to blog about but hey-they say write what you know, right? Well. I know my uterus. That's right. I said it. Wait-I take that back. I THOUGHT I knew my uterus but memory doesn't serve in this case. I forgot my uterus....it forgot me...No - it just stopped working.

I know you women know that 'monthly visitor' (i.e. one more way we got totally screwed over by God in addition to: bras, panty hose, high heels, makeup, chin hair (don't prented you don't have any...lemon juice has its purposes) shaving, PMS, affinity for chocolate and all things fattening, bloating, childbirth, breastfeeding, gravity, menopause, hot flashes, bikinis, and oh yes, outliving everyone else on the planet (where is my retirement fund?)...

Ok but back to the uterus...the period is not always like clockwork. And why would it be? But my uterus went on strike....for a while... and before you think, hey, that's cool, what's the big deal?...Consider....I felt like an 'it'. Maybe I do not want kids but the 'option' is nice. A girl has to have options...this is why I have a closet full of shoes.

Anywho, I decided that my busy lifestyle and trim figure needed to beef up a bit to get my hormones to line up again. Who knew you could eat peanutbutter and almonds and become a woman? BUT- this is not normal, people.
I know my uterus' sabatical was more than a month or so but did it have to come back with friends? What the hell happend? Did it 'outsource' and get donations from other places? Seriously. No one deserves to have to retire 3 pairs of Hanes undies (RIP). And by the way, was the tampon invented by a man? Come on! NO woman would create something that intrusive that serves basically no purpose and, might I just add, that I pray you never experience that twinge of a feeling when you think for one second, oh sh&t...I think my tampon just fell into my sock....yes...we can put space rockets on the moon but 2 inches of cotton that 'expands' is just too diificult.