Solo Liberties

I have been debating.... with myself (and the key word here being myself-as we all know, a debate usually happens between 2 or more people (or between the voices in your head...if you hear voices. Hey, I am not judging. I just hope the conversation is stimulating.)

So here is the debate:
What is the greatest part/liberty of living alone?
Please note that most men do all of the following regardless of a partner.

1) Peeing with the bathroom door open.
OK-I have only closed my bathroom door about 3 times.... I should just take it off the hinges.

2) Walking around in the buff (a definite plus for that natural 'air dry' feeling after a shower) but not so great when the Catholic Church across the street has some stragglers who clearly do not want to go inside and find it JUST as entertaining to look into my window (cue curtains).

3) Eating in bed...very nice.... I don't mind the crumbs so long as they are the only non-human things in bed with me (we all know the stories of the New York sized rats...not gonna go there).

4) Not flushing every time- Now, I am back to the potty and I am sorry but come on....'if it's yellow let it mellow..." I consider this doing my part for the environment.

5) The sniff test- Yes, you know it. You take that shirt OUT of the dirty clothes hamper, give it a sniff and say, "Yep, its got one more day."

6) How about perfume? I am not talking about Tiffany...no, the other perfume...the, I just ate a barrel o' broccoli perfume. Yes, I can have the 'silent but deadlies' all I want...bring on the enchilada.... there is no one else to dutch oven...and besides, mine smell like rose petals.

7) Maybe the best? Drinking out of the carton.... no coodies but mine.... forget washing the dishes. A good rinse will do.

8) How about not having to share the remote control- You know, this would be great but I don't have cable-nevermind.

9) Dance sessions. Yes, to lighten my mood I put on 'gangsta rap' and get jiggy all by myself. Ok, so it is kinda pathetic but it makes me feel better.

10) To round out the list? Not to say there are not so many more....I would have to say...the best part about living alone is coming home at the end of the day, in the crappiest of all crappy moods and knowing that you can sit in your funk, have to explain yourself to no one and do not have to worry about hurting someone else's feelings.

But I tell ya, I am kinda hoping for the day when I can come home, let out a big one, walk around in the buff, swig from the milk container, put on that stinky t shirt, and have my love look at me and say, "Honey, I love you anyway, now let's dance."